Bad manners are wearing us down!
Not a day goes by that I don’t hear some exhausted employer or employee, grandmother, teacher, CEO, television judge or tennis coach exasperated by the apparent lack of manners we witness on a daily basis. If I had a dollar for the number of times I’ve heard: “It’s amazing how rude people have gotten today!” would be loaded.
I’m not being hypersensitive to people’s complaints because I happen to be an etiquette coach. Quite the contrary, if I were to internalize all the mannerism complaints I receive by email into my role as etiquette expert, I would probably change careers…yesterday. Lately, I have just noticed that the general population believes that bad manners could be winning the war against civility.
The amusing contradiction, of course, is that everyone complains about everyone else’s manners, but no one seems very conscientious or willing to confess their own errors in manners. I include myself in this group, and to drive home this point with an example, I will rudely throw my own husband under the bus. Last weekend, I watched my husband repeatedly check his email from his phone while he was out on the field coaching our son’s flag football team. He was probably doing something just as heinous and rude on the sidelines as he brazenly berated his bad manners, but damn if I know what it was…
Well I blame…
The internet, reality TV, the government, texting, the football coach, and Facebook rank high among some of today’s favorite anti-mannered villains. If it weren’t for external forces “causing” us to behave impolitely, our manners would not be failing. Or would they? Do external influences have an impact on social behavior?
Am I a victim of outside influence? Do I have no choice regarding my own conduct? Do the many pressures of society require that I abandon the practice of etiquette and become rude and coarse?
Of course not, I am fully responsible for my own actions. Yes, it is true that technology has introduced a new set of manners complexities into society, however, I have a responsibility to choose not to be discouraged by today’s challenges and continue to follow the basic principles of manners, even online when involved. through the curtain of the Internet. “anonymity”.
When we choose to act rudely, we cannot in the next breath turn around and blame everyone else for our rude society. It stands to reason that if our complaint is that the rules of manners are deviating, we are collectively allowing our manners to slip.
If we can’t or won’t see our own bad-mannered behavior, and blame everyone else for our bad-mannered society, how is it possible to turn the boat around? Why not just throw up your hands in defeat and exclaim, “Manners? I don’t have time for manners, now stand back while I notify my sizeable Facebook network that I don’t much like Mondays.”
Without manners, everyday life would be chaos. It would be impossible to leave our houses to buy milk if our neighbor could shoot us for our newspaper or paint our house blue to match his peonies. So even though we are all beset by the stresses of life in the 21st century, we have no choice but to practice excellent manners, model good manners, and teach children etiquette. If we put aside manners, it won’t be long before we live in chaos. It is inherently obvious that if a single generation is not taught to behave with courtesy, good manners will quickly disappear. Who will teach children etiquette if we don’t teach children etiquette?
We’re shocked, saddened, exhausted, and a little grossed out by (as the title of the excellent book on manners by the brilliant Lynne Truss says), “The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today.” But that doesn’t mean we throw in the towel, flop into a chair, wave a white handkerchief in the air, and give up manners. If we give up, “label(ly) challenged” wins.
I refuse to live in a world without manners, do you? Be selfish; use good manners, model good manners and teach children etiquette so that you (and I) can live in a kinder society.
Now is the time to recommit to a more civilized culture. Let’s declare war on bad manners by taking notice and improving our own etiquette. Think of all that we would gain if we restored civility, respect and integrity. One serene five-year-old said it best when he joked, “Have good manners so you don’t make everyone sick and get in trouble.” By the way.