“This hozho thing. As I understand it… I’ll use an example. Terrible drought, crops dead, sheep dying. Spring dried up. No water. Hopi, or Christians, maybe Muslims, pray for rain “The Navajo have the proper ceremony to restore themselves to harmony with the drought. You see what I mean. The system is designed to recognize what is beyond human power to change, and then change the human attitude to be happy with the inevitable.” – in ‘Sacred Clowns’ by Tony Hillerman
I want what I don’t have; I don’t want what I have – attachment and aversion
Many spiritual traditions, such as Buddhism, tell us that pain and suffering (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, and psychological) arise from attachment and aversions.
Year attached file is an intense desire, longing, thirst, need, attachment, and the like to be something I am not, to do something I cannot do, or to have something I do not have, related to, for example, health, appearance, finances, environment personal, career, relationship, personality, or need around things like attention, recognition, security, love, control, ideas, beliefs, and the like.
Year aversion is an intense preoccupation with some aspect or quality of myself that I possess or another possesses that I resist and offend, related to, for example, health, appearance, finances, personal environment, career, relationships , personality, or need around items such as attention, recognition, security, love, control, ideas, beliefs, and the like.
In both cases, my attention, attention, focus, and emotional and physical energy are working overtime to attract or resist. It is this incessant focus on the object of attachment or aversion that is the root cause of our pain and suffering.
What does attachment look and feel like?
Attachment is like an addiction or a hook that triggers a reaction in me: I must be, I must do or I must have (fill in the blank with your attachments) and if I cannot be, do or have, then I experience something. degree of pain or suffering, or if I cannot rid myself or another of the object of my aversion, the result is pain and suffering.
The downside of attachments is that your relationship with them inevitably becomes tenuous, producing stress, anger, resistance, resentment, anxiety, fear, and the like. Attachment and aversions cannot “not be” like that. It is inherent in the nature of attachment, like reaching for something that is beyond your reach.
Take a moment and look at your attachments (or aversions) and reflect on how much discomfort you experience reacting to them. You want your attachments to create some positive sense of reality for you, and what you often find is the opposite reality: not feeling loved, supported, smart, beautiful, healthy, rich, and so on.
When your happiness and inner peace depend on your external attachments and aversions, you will never experience a true inner state of peace. More often, you will experience a certain taste of constant frustration. But he believes that by increasing the intensity with which he pursues the object of his attachments or aversions, he will experience a greater degree of happiness or inner peace. How has that approach to life honestly worked for you so far? Honestly?
The antidote to attachment – detachment – not detachment
“Whoever wants to be serene and pure needs only one thing, detachment.” – Master Eckhart
Freedom from pain and suffering comes through our freedom from attachments and aversions. Detachment means taking conscious control over our attachments so that they stop controlling us.
Seeing life from a place of detachment does not mean that we are unattached – i.e. cold, indifferent, etc. What detachment means is that we are living “inside” our Being, contained within our Being so as not to be driven by the external.
When we are detached, it is impossible for us to be “hooked” by the desires, needs, emotions or feelings of others or by our own. We are not annoyed or manipulated by others, or by our own ego-created obsessions, desires, and cravings. Detached, we can feel caring, empathetic, and compassionate toward others and our Self, without becoming clouded or confused about how we think, feel, or act. We don’t get caught up in the stories or drama of others (or our own). Nor do we need others to be a certain way.
Interestingly, what drives much of our unhappiness, and even madness, is our addiction to our attachments, which we mistakenly feel will bring us happiness and peace. Could not be farther from the truth.
The truth is that surviving comfortably in this world, with our happiness and sanity intact, requires detachment, letting go of those people, places, things and ideas (ours and others) that drain or manipulate our energies.
How do I practice detachment?
Simple, not always easy: becoming a witness, watcher and observer of your Self. Move as easily as you can and navigate through life, at work, at home, at play and in relationships, without an agenda based on the ego. We see what we see, we notice what we notice, and we interact with those with whom we interact, but with curiosity, without striving or resisting, without attachment or aversion. We observe, witness and observe without getting emotionally involved, without judging.
Watching yourself, for example, get excited about money, appearance, or possessions, or become fearful around another person, or anxious in an uncomfortable or unpleasant circumstance, and be more than emotionally reactive is the practice of detachment.
The reason watching and observing are so powerful is because when you watch yourself obsessing over the object of your attachment or aversion, your level of consciousness rises to the point where you will begin to stop doing what doesn’t serve you. You cannot observe and react simultaneously, it is impossible.
Detachment is not a passive state
Detachment is not a dissociative state in which one is less aware or even unconscious, in denial or passive. When you are detached, you are aware of and engaged in your experience, but you are not attached to results or obsessed with the need to be in control.
Detachment is not about “caving”. Detachment means that you take the “right action,” as it is called in Buddhist terms. You can be detached and a “can do” person at the same time. But again, you are not attached to the results. You do what your heart feels is right. You move and act. Just don’t let your ego get caught up in any preconceived outcome.
Detachment is not about giving up what we want. It is about not becoming obsessed with the object towards which we direct our desires. When we separate ourselves from the object – person, place, thing, idea, etc. – we contain our energy, power and life force (instead of giving them away).
Detachment means accepting the fact that life can be challenging and facing the challenges of our life. When we let go of cravings, desires, and attachments, we approach life (even death) with equanimity, with nobility, integrity, dignity, respect, and openness to the life lessons that our challenges present.
“The more you squeeze, the less you have.” – Zen saying
Letting go of attachments and aversions helps our soul experience a clear state of mind where we understand, really understand from a higher/deeper perspective, how to control our energies, with a sense of real self-love and empowerment, so our ego personality is not obsessed with the need (ours or others) to do, be or have in a self-destructive way.
One of the main beliefs of the ego is that we are separate from everyone else. The ego lives from a zero-sum, survival-of-the-fittest perspective. So, in order to survive, our ego is driven to cultivate more and more attachments (and aversions) to people, places, things, possessions, ideas, beliefs, relationships, and the like. Fearing loss (even the loss of a belief, premise, idea, or life itself) is a threat to our ego’s survival. From the ego’s perspective, competition and self-interest are absolutely necessary for survival. And attachments fuel our obsession with survival.
In this place, joy, cooperation, collaboration and compassion, first with our Self and then with others, replace fear, the driver of attachment and aversion. When we let go of our attachments, we enter a state of soul-filled equanimity, a state of harmony, balance, and connection with our Higher Self, where we know that everything is unfolding according to a Universal or Divine plan.
So, some questions for self-reflection are:
- What are you attached to that causes you suffering in some way? What do you not have that you crave or what do you have that you resist?
- When you feel a deep desire, longing, or attachment, do you ever consider what you may be trying to escape from?
- Have you ever looked at or observed yourself from “outside” yourself? How was that? What did you see or discover about yourself?
- Who or what do you cling to?
- What do you feel you lack, that you need to get from someone or something?
- Attachment equals selfishness. What does that mean to you?
- Clinging reflects a lack of love for self-love. Would you agree? Why? Why not?
- Can you remember your first attachments or dislikes when you were little? How did those attachments or aversions affect your experience of love, support, or comfort?