For the most part, we are all conformists. We will do what the crowd does. We may not like to admit it, but it is true. Only 5 to 10 percent of the population engages in behaviors contrary to the social norm.
We see this law operating in groups, in organizations, in meetings, and in everyday public life. In all these circumstances, there is a certain standard or norm. In churches, the moral code determines the acceptable standard behavior for the group. In organizations, the statutes and years of tradition establish a standard operating procedure. Because we want to fit into these groups and maintain our membership in them, we adjust our actions to the norm.
We seek to find out what others are doing as a way to validate our own actions. This method is how we decide what constitutes “correct” behavior. We see behavior as more correct when we see others doing it. The more people do it, the more correct it becomes. Professor Kirk Hansen of Stanford Business School demonstrated this when he boosted downloads of the best-selling files on the Web by downloading those files over and over again so that the counter would go artificially high. He and his team then observed that these enhanced downloaded files were being downloaded even more frequently. The high number on the counter indicated popularity, and people were more interested in downloading the files that were already ranked highest. Whether the question is what to do with an empty soda can in the park, how fast to drive in the city, or how to eat the soup in a restaurant, validation from others gives us our answers and therefore guides us. our actions.
We feel validation when we see others do what we want to do. We learned early in life that we make fewer mistakes when we follow the social norm. There are two types of rules: explicit and implicit. Explicit rules are openly spoken or written. For example, traffic signs, employee handbooks, or game rules are examples of explicit rules. Implicit norms are not usually expressed overtly. For example, you usually don’t need to be told to wave or smile when you see someone, but you do it anyway. Or, somehow, you know better than to put your feet up when you’re a guest in someone’s home, even though your host probably won’t ask you to refrain from doing so.
If we don’t know the norm, we look around and find it. The Law of Social Validation becomes a way to save time and energy to figure out what is the right thing to do. We use the behavior of others to guide our own actions, to validate what we should or shouldn’t do. We don’t always have to look at the positive and the negative in every situation. This self-timer saves us from thinking. We compare what we do with the standard of what others do. If we find a discrepancy between what we observe and what we do, we tend to make changes in the direction of the social norm.
Social validation forces us to change our behaviors, our attitudes, and our actions, even when what we actually observe does not match our true feelings, style, and thoughts. We go against our better judgment because we want to be liked, accepted, and found to be in agreement with everyone else. When we are part of a crowd, “we no longer feel individually responsible for our emotions or actions. We can allow ourselves to yell, sing, cry, or hit without the temperamental responsibility imposed by personal responsibility.”
We look for social norms that help us know what we should be feeling or doing. For the most part, this is not a conscious process. We subconsciously accept many ways of behaving that are determined by our environment and the actions of others, such as raising our hand to speak in class, tipping at a restaurant, or how we behave at a concert. When we become part of a group, our emotions and feelings, once divergent, tend to converge.
When we find ourselves in a strange situation where we feel uncomfortable or unsure how to act, we look for the social cues that will dictate our behavior. This could be at a party, during freshman orientation, or even while attending a family reunion. When the social information we are looking for is ambiguous, we don’t know how to respond and therefore continue to look for social clues. Imagine if you were sitting in the theater enjoying your show when someone yelled “FIRE!” Do you think you would jump and run for it? Well, if everyone else did it, you would too. If everyone stayed seated, you would also remain seated.
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Conclution
Persuasion is the missing piece of the puzzle that will crack the code to dramatically increase your income, improve your relationships, and help you get what you want, when you want, and win friends for life. Ask yourself how much money and income you have lost due to your inability to persuade and influence. Think about it. Sure you’ve seen some success, but think about the times you couldn’t do it. Was there a time when you didn’t understand your point of view? Are you unable to convince someone to do something? Have you reached your full potential? Are you able to motivate yourself and others to achieve more and achieve your goals? What about your relationships? Imagine being able to overcome objections before they happen, knowing what your prospect is thinking and feeling, feeling more confident in your persuasiveness. Professional success, personal happiness, leadership potential, and income depend on the ability to persuade, influence, and motivate others.