During the negotiation, or for that matter, in any conversation, many times, the things that are said are very different from their meaning. Specifically in a business conversation, one must look for hidden meanings in what other people say. Very often, what is left out of a speech or conversation is just as significant as what is said. Furthermore, one must also be skilful not to reveal one’s hidden meanings.
The following list highlights expressions and words that indicate hidden meanings in conversations. It is quite interesting!
– Expressions that mean the opposite: Sometimes people say things when they really mean the opposite.
This is very popular during sales (or purchase) conversations:
Some frequently used terms are: “It’s not important, but I just want you to know that…” – Keep in mind that if something isn’t important, then there’s no need to say it’s not important. For example, we never say “it’s not important, but the sky is blue”, we just state it. You can be sure that when adding a ‘bumper’ like that (not important, but), the following statement is very, very important. In fact, that could be the main concern of the person making the statement. If this is a sales situation and a buyer is making a statement like this, be 100% sure this is your number one objection.
Sometimes people say “Don’t worry…” – Whatever comes after this statement or what has been said just before – make sure you take it very seriously – and worry.
Other similar expressions that mean the opposite are “I just want to tell you”: you can be sure that there is a monumental demand or information on the way. Or “We can work out the details later”-basically means the person making this statement isn’t willing to reveal her cards-LATER means there’s a lot of negotiation ahead-it’s not over!
– Throwaways: these are expressions that literally indicate a casual reference, but actually precede a BIG announcement. Commonly used discards are “By the way” or “I just remembered” or “As you know” or “By the way” or “Before I forget”
Every time you hear this, get ready for a big announcement or teaser.
– Legitimators: Expressions used to legitimize a statement that is not entirely true.
These words or phrases are legitimizers: “Actually the truth is…” – Think about this statement for a moment. What does a person mean when he says that the truth is…? Do you mean that everything he has been saying is not true? Most likely yes. Rather one of the two is definitive, that is, either what the person has been telling you until now is a complete lie or what is going to follow now will be.
Other legitimizers are “Frankly” or “Speaking honestly” or “to tell you the truth”. Every time you hear these words, you can be sure that what follows will be anything but honest. For example, you’re interviewing for a job and your candidate says, “Honestly, I haven’t thought about salary.” I can guarantee you’ve been up all night thinking only about salary. o A buyer of your products or services says “Frankly speaking, you are twice as expensive as the current supplier.” As long as the word frankly is there, you can be sure this is BS.
Be on the lookout for legitimizers. It can be very powerful in a negotiation process. Also watch out for primetime news. You will be surprised how many politicians use legitimizers in their interviews!
– Justification: Expressions that lay the foundations for failure. Justifying is a state in which the other person gives up on the process. Something happened during your conversation and the person is now shutting down. If you leave now, at this stage, it’s over.
Supporting statements are statements like, “I’ll do my best” or “I’ll see what I can do.” These statements are ‘final’. You need to deal with it right there and then. It might be a good idea to start all over again.
Justifiers are even more dangerous when the conversation turns to ‘us’. That’s the person who until now has been communicating with you as “I’ll see” or “I will” and suddenly changes to “we’ll see what needs to be done” or “we’ll look into it”. signal to transfer the process and terminate it.
– Drafts: Words that erase everything that precedes them in a conversation.
The two main drafts are the words: ‘But’ and ‘However’. Every time these words are used, everything that has been said before is no longer valid. Suppose you’re in a sales conversation and the buyer says “I like your product and agree it will be of great value to our company, however…” – The moment when “however” is used all before of it disappearing. You need to start over.
– Disappointments: Statements that immediately precede an eraser that means the opposite of what is stated. Sometimes erasers are also used as legitimizers, eg “I’m not a law student, but…” – basically implies the opposite – i.e. whether or not this person is a lawyer, you can be pretty sure they know your stuff.
– Preparers: Clauses that prepare you for the request of the speakers. Statements like:
“I don’t want to get personal”
“I don’t want to intrude…”
“I need a great favor”
“This is very embarrassing…”
These statements are basically used to obtain concessions from you. Sometimes a person says that they need a big favor: this has basically aroused their mind to think what the person might need. What will follow is a request for something small, but because you were preparing for a big request, you will likely give in.
Same thing with a statement like “I don’t want to get personal” and you’ll start to wonder what the hell this person is going to ask. In reality, it will be for a small favor that you might now be forced to provide, but might not have, if asked directly.
– Test balloons: phrases that indicate that the speaker has already made a decision and wants your opinion about it. Statements like:
“I haven’t given it much thought” – means that you have thought and decided. He is testing you.
“The most important thing on my mind is…” – means that you do not want to reveal what you have thought and concluded. But it is over.
“Thinking out loud…” – Make sure it has been thoroughly analyzed and thought through.
If you find these statements in a sales conversation, it’s the perfect time to close. The buyer is basically indicating his purchase preference.
It can be very intriguing to listen to and study conversations. Beware of the hidden meanings and “typical” statements mentioned above. You can be very insightful in leading a negotiating conversation. You can find out a lot what to work with and what to ignore. It takes a bit of practice, but it’s a lot of fun.
to your success.
yours,
Chetan Wallia