One of the most difficult challenges, particularly in a same-sex relationship, is setting boundaries with friends and mingling with each other’s friends. Also, doing this while still being safe and making the other person feel like they are the most important person in the world!
Usually, in lesbian relationships, most of the friends are of the same sex. Friends can be nosy, nosy, opinionated, jealous, rude and inconsiderate; however, they can also be fun, supportive, considerate, helpful, and great sounding boards. There is no doubt, friends will wreak havoc in a relationship or accept and consider.
Let’s work from the premise that the relationship is the top priority and friends are not (but still very important). There are several key areas to focus on that can immediately strengthen the relationship. These areas must be established and mutually respected:
Boundaries – Agree parameters that are manageable. Determine what are the negotiable and non-negotiable items. Examples: agreeing that you both be home by 8:00 pm, unless otherwise agreed; not answering phones during dinner; cell phones are prohibited when you get into bed. If you go to happy hour, invite the other to join in or at least communicate plans and get home on time. Remember, these limits must be agreed upon. If you end up policing and penalizing due to limits, what you have set up isn’t working. The boundaries are being and feeling respectful to each other, not holding yourself hostage.
Communication – Make each other feel special, loved, safe and protected. Talk to each other about everything. Find out what is important to others, feelings, favorite things, hobbies, goals and dreams, fears and phobias, food, children, families, etc. Getting to really know yourself better than anyone else. Build trust and respect. Make others feel valued and important.
Common interests – Explore what you like to do together, such as projects, travel, entertaining with friends, cooking, golf, fishing, hiking, etc. It is not necessary to do everything together, but it is healthy to do a few (enough) things together. It’s important to have fun together and feel connected. Orchestrate your relationship so that they are not always running in parallel, but instead have enough intersecting moments to keep them in sync with each other.
Organize social opportunities – One way to mingle with each other’s friends is to host social times together in your home, such as dinner parties and game nights. Another is to plan outings with joint friends, like happy hours, going out to dinner and movies, etc. The key is to feel more comfortable with each other’s friends. Make efforts to mix friends and be more inclusive.
Spontaneity – Surprise each other in ways that you know are appreciated and appreciated. Break the routine and break with everyone else and do for each other. Make the other feel unique.
Happy long-term relationships need to be nurtured and treated as the top priority. Focus on enjoying your time together. Include friends when appropriate and in common agreement. There should be no feeling of competition for time, attention and love! Friends should be fun additions.