The anticipation of what could go wrong is all too familiar. You anticipate how bad you’ll feel, how “everyone” will know something is wrong, and you can’t face the embarrassment or embarrassment of people seeing you like this. Dry mouth, palpitations, fuzzy feeling. You tell yourself to stop blushing, to stop shaking, but it only seems to get worse. You can hear your heartbeat inside your chest, it must be like a cartoon, going in and out. Where is the escape, where can you go?
Unfortunately, many people suffer without anyone noticing. They may maintain a calm exterior, but inside they are trembling. Thoughts drive feelings and feelings drive thoughts.
What happens is that your mind has interpreted this event, minor or major, as a threat to life. When this happens, the fight or flight alarm is activated. This is a self-preservation tool.
Unnecessary actions such as digestion are slowed down as the blood supply must go where the action is required, i.e. the arms (to fight) and the legs (to flee).
Saliva disappears as this is part of the digestive process. Some people experience the need to urinate or have a bowel movement (all part of the release of unnecessary load). Blood is drained from the brain so the brain is now in a raw state, without enough oxygen and blood to function logically.
It is about surviving, looking for an escape route, without time to weigh the pros and cons. It is a primary answer.
How can you break this cycle? Understanding that where your mind perceives a life or death threat, the reality is that you are afraid of being judged in some way or you have to “act” i.e. the focus will be on you and you are afraid of “judgment”. This is a memory of being in school and speaking in front of the class and maybe making a mistake, others laughed, and your mind interpreted this as something that would never be done again. Every time you had to replay the scenario, feelings and thoughts would race, your mind doing everything it could to free you by wanting you to avoid it. But this is not the way to live your life. So you need to start rephrasing the event before you get to it:
Beforehand:
1. Think about how you will feel at the end of the night when you have succeeded or coped well (whatever the situation is). What would that mean to you? Having this sense of accomplishment that something you thought would be hard was actually okay.
2. How do you need to be different for this to work? See your successful self and go back to earlier in the night and see how different it was from the usual fearful self. What is different? Tips: Watch the body language, facial expression, listen to your voice – everything is more comfortable.
3. Rewind further to the beginning of the event, listen to your own conversation: the words should be “I’m fine”, “I feel calm” or even shorter “calm”, “relaxed”. Not what you don’t want but what you want to be and feel.
4. From this point, how to relax even more: play music that soothes your mind and body. Tell yourself that you are surrounded by people who care about you and in case some panic happens, anyone having fun with this speaks volumes about your personality type as most people would want to help and relieve your discomfort. Remember those who care don’t matter, and those who matter don’t care.
These thoughts take a lot of pressure off of you and once the fear dissipates, you start to take control.
Tips for during an event:
1. Keep words like “calm” and “relaxed” at the front of your mind. It is not necessary to think about these words, as the mind instinctively knows what they mean.
2. Keep drinking water. This keeps the mouth moist and mimics saliva.
3. Roll your shoulders to relax this (this can be done in the bath) as this relieves tension in the body and produces a physiological relaxation response from the muscles.
4. Keep your favorite song playing inside your head, because when you focus on it, it will take you to a more relaxed moment.
5. Don’t forget to breathe.
6. When in conversation, instead of thinking of something incredibly clever to say, listen to others, notice something about them, earrings, tie, and this helps focus your mind outward instead of inward.
The autopsy:
1. Focus on the good of the night. We are ingrained to focus on the negative, but this has to change.
2. Think about what could be better next time and how you would make it happen.
3. Thank your mind for helping you. All he always wants to do is help you, but sometimes his interpretation is not correct. You have to tell your mind what you want, not what you don’t want.
Each night as you settle in to sleep, think about three positive things that happened during the day. Think about how you want to be tomorrow and you will begin to notice that each day you feel a little better about yourself.