Recent studies show that more and more couples are sleeping in separate beds and even in separate rooms. Numerous reports claim that 1 in 4 couples have adopted this habit and the National Association of Home Builders predicts that by 2015 60% of new luxury homes will be built with more than one “master bedroom” to accommodate this growing trend. . When this topic was discussed on a recent Oprah Winfrey show, Dr. Phil did not beat around the bush as to what he thought of this trend.
“If people are building houses with two master bedrooms, a town somewhere is missing an idiot” interjected Dr. Phil in an Oprah Winfrey “Are you normal?” show that aired on October 1, 2010. There are many legitimate reasons why couples who claim to be “happily married” have separate beds and even separate bedrooms. Some couples simply find it difficult to get a good night’s rest sharing a bed with a partner who snores, fidgets a lot, gets up frequently to go to the bathroom, enjoys a different firm mattress, talks while sleeping, wants to sleep at a different temperature or just hog the blankets. Add to this the stress of having babies waking up needing to be fed, children crawling in bed after a bad dream, and it’s no wonder many couples yearn for a little space and sanctuary of their own.
However, sleeping in separate rooms can be a bad habit for couples, slowly damaging the special bond between husband and life. Dr. Phil noted that the intimacy that comes from talking in bed late at night and early in the morning with your spouse is one of the things that is unique to marriage and sets it apart from other relationships in our lives.
So have you and your spouse fallen into this bad habit of separate bedrooms? Is it a convenience or a sign of trouble? There is a difference between sleeping in the guest room when you have a cold and coughing through the night (that’s to be considered) and making the decision to occupy separate sleeping areas permanently.
From personal experience, I can tell you that permanently separating sleeping areas with your spouse is not a positive habit for the overall health of your marriage. While different sleep schedules and sleep preferences led to an increasingly regular habit of “just sleeping in the other room,” before my husband and I realized that the habit had become a permanent solution. . In hindsight, the separate bedroom decision ushered in the general erosion of intimacy in our relationship, even if we didn’t realize it at the time. I wouldn’t say it was the cause of the end of our 20-year marriage, but it certainly didn’t help and it was a symptom of bigger issues that we were unwilling to address.
Have you fallen into the bad habit of sleeping in separate rooms? Are the issues in your marriage that you are unwilling to address? It is never too late to “fine tune” your marriage and develop healthier, more loving habits. Even if your spouse is not interested in working to improve your marriage, you can make an amazing difference in the quality of your marriage by knowing how to do it.