In general, women live longer than men. One reason is that they share their feelings more often. Men tend to hide their feelings. This is a good practice to continue if you want an early grave.
The concept I want to discuss this week is the idea of self-disclosure. Women have more friends because of it. Women have better relationships with their male friends because of it. What is self-disclosure? It is the willingness and ability to share your honest feelings, pain, grief, fears, frustrations, and anything else that, if repressed, will contribute to increased stress and less satisfying relationships with others.
Men were raised to be tough, competitive, to win, and not to show emotional weakness. I have never considered sharing your true feelings to be a weakness, although there have been many times in my life when I have resisted out of fear of rejection, embarrassment, and being perceived as weak by others. I am learning that managed self-disclosure builds bridges in relationships and more satisfying results than sharing too little or too much. Sharing too much of yourself invites pity, contempt, ridicule, and a variety of other adverse reactions from others. Sharing too little of yourself keeps others in your life at a safe but unhealthy distance.
We are all together in this life doing the best we can with what we have at all times. Why not let more people into your inner circle of shared feelings? You may be surprised at your support, love, and acceptance.
Balanced self-disclosure builds bridges with others. Too much or too little builds barriers. This is true both in business and in your personal relationships.
There is no sin in crying in public, sharing your innermost fears with those you trust and respect, and embracing those who cross your path. On my recent trip to Buenos Aires I couldn’t help noticing how everyone kisses everyone when they meet or before leaving. It’s a shame that in many parts of the world hugging and kissing is considered unnecessary or taboo. It only took me a few hours to get into the mood for all this kissing, especially the women. Give it a try, it’s a lot of fun.