Your life has a constant dynamic: relationships. This is actually a triple dynamic that includes your intrapersonal relationship with yourself; interpersonal relationships with your friends, family and/or sentimental partner; and the spiritual relationship with your Higher Power. Therefore, improving your “relational intelligence” makes a lot of sense.
This is “The Tripod of Relationships” with each of the three legs of the tripod represented by your relationship with yourself, your relationship with others, and your relationship with your Higher Power. The tripod works best to stabilize whatever is on it (your life, in this case) when all three legs are steady and solid. If one or more of the legs are weak, there is an excessive load on the remaining leg(s) and a loss of stability.
The goal is to balance and strengthen these three areas of your life so that you can consciously and proactively resist life’s challenges. I invite you to deepen your relational intelligence and expand your relational awareness…all to create more powerful relationships in your life and have the most powerful and fulfilling Life you can.
relationship with yourself
Goal – Are you living your life on purpose, or just by accident? Many people struggle to know their true purpose and therefore settle for whatever comes into their lives. What is it that really turns you on? What are you most passionate about? Take some time to explore this.
Balance – Having an indicator to assess your balance is useful to reinforce your purpose and maintain your health and well-being. Think of your purpose as the center of a wheel, and all the various areas of your Life revolve around it. This would include areas such as social, spiritual, family, recreational, creative, work/vocational, financial, physical, personal/emotional growth, and physical environment. What needs to happen in each area for you to maintain the highest level of balance?
Vision – Purpose and balance without vision is like having all your possessions packed up and ready to move, but having no idea where you are going. So how is your future? Visualize how you want it to look. Go back to your wheel of life and include each area in your visualization. Spend some time on this every day, as the more you visualize what you want, the clearer it will become. Try to let go of the “inner critic,” that part that always tries to shoot down new ideas. Allow yourself to get out of your comfort zone with this. Another useful activity is to create a Vision Map.
The point of these exercises is to help create a “metaphysical vacuum” that will pull you towards everything you want, while attracting everything you want to you. This is the Law of Attraction in action. Remember, life is a journey, and like Columbus, it can sometimes end up not where you expected, but where you need to be. The big challenge is to put results aside, as they can change, and focus on staying on track.
relationships with others
The “AbSOULutes” – They are the relationship dynamics and the personal characteristics of others that you have to have to feel satisfied. Without these, the relationship cannot exist. Trying to make a relationship satisfying without these requirements is like trying to make apple pie without apples… try and try however you can, but it will never work. These are the “deal breakers and negotiators” and they have no room for negotiation, lest you sell out and come up empty handed. There are those who also feed your soul, hence the absence of them leaves you empty and dissatisfied.
Boundaries – These are your personal “property lines”. This is where someone else’s space ends and yours begins. When you know your requirements and what is not acceptable and what you must have, it is easier to define your limits. Allowing others to enter this space when you don’t want them creates an imbalance and often manifests as fatigue and/or emotional overwhelm. Setting limits is often just the beginning; maintaining them is the real challenge, as others will often test your consistency.
Communication – Being able to speak directly, clearly and assertively is just the beginning to create healthy communication. Listening is actually the most powerful dynamic of communication. Being able to have non-reactive responses through mirroring and empathy creates the most powerful position and holds much more energy. Think of yourself as a bullfighter and your job is to invite dialogue in your own way, but without letting yourself get “hit”. By being a powerful listener, you actually have more control by trying to control less… yes, less is more in this case.
Relationship with your higher power
Communion – When and where do you feel most connected and most alive? Whether on the beach, in the mountains, while dancing or singing, in church, in prayer or in a meditative trance; these are the times, places and activities in which you are having a Higher Experience. When you allow yourself to be in these places and spaces, you allow yourself to have a spiritual connection that fills you and automatically adds balance to your life. Giving yourself regular doses of spiritual activity, or better yet, going on a spiritual retreat will do wonders for your spiritual relationship.
daily – Writing to affirm yourself, to do healing work, or to do growth work can be methods of improving your spiritual connection. Write yourself a letter to remind you of all your greatness, your talents and your gifts. This can be a wonderful way to help realize your highest potential…your God-given greatness. Write to let go of old hurts, or a letter of forgiveness to let go of old resentments. Both will free you to be more in the present. The more you are in the present and fully aware, the more available you will be to receive spiritual connection.
Reading – There are thousands of books on spiritual practice, and more come out every day. If you’re unsure of his spiritual path, do some reading and pay attention to what resonates with his Soul… chances are those are the pieces you’ve been looking for. If you know your spiritual path, stretch out and read a little further than where you are. If you’ve already read them all, then maybe it’s time to pass on some of your knowledge and wisdom… start writing that book (and/or article) you’ve been thinking about!
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So here’s the challenge: Make all your relationships Relations, that is, relationships that are full of REALITY. Live a life of REALations. Whether with others, yourself, or your Higher Power, allow yourself to be whole, balanced, and on the path to your Highest Good.